A Fantasy Land without the fantasy

If I were to tell you of a land comprising of towering noble mountains, great open plains, vast immeasurable chasms, raging wild rivers, pristine white desserts, giant soaring pillars of rocks and great coloured waves of earth you would think I was speaking of a land inhabited by elves, goblins and hobbits. However, this is what surrounds you as you cross the remarkable lands of Arizona and New Mexico. (Although I have seen some very strange looking people since I’ve been here though!)

I’ve included some photo’s as always with this blog but there is no way you can adequately capture in a single frame the majesty and sheer breath taking beauty that you encounter around almost every bend as you traverse this part of the world.

I could spend page after page exalting the praises of the places I have visited and you could spends weeks, in stead of the five days I had, exploring the places yourself, so I will just pick out a couple of highlights.

Monument Valley, the star of countless western films, and as famous a backdrop as any in the United States, is amazing. This is not simply a movie set though. Taking millions of years to form and representing a very spiritual site for the Navaho Indians that have lived there for generations, you feel you know the place so well already but are still blown away by these monoliths splendour and dignity as they stand guard over the land; centurions of centuries of change. You would expect here in America that there would be a Mall attached to them by now selling cheap, tacky souvenirs, and a theme park with people wandering around in foam suites dressed as ‘Morris the Monolith’ to attract as many people as possible and take all their money. But here, as with all of the natural wonders I visited there is no marketing, no hype, no schemes to empty your wallet, just the landscape itself, which is all you need.

The Grand Canyon. I’m not sure what I can write about. This is such a indescribable place, that no amount of words or pictures can even do it an ounce of justice. I was prepared before I saw it to be blown away and amazed by its size and scale, but the moment that you first see it you can’t honestly comprehend it all. There is so much to take in all at ounce that your levels of scale and perception are altered because your brain can’t understand seeing something so vast. And what you can see of it from any one place is only a fraction of the whole thing. It floors you that all it takes is time and water to create such a thing. It takes a whole day just to get to the bottom of it! What the first settlers moving west thought when they first came across this mightiest of barriers I don’t know. I think I would have just stopped given up at that point.

And there are countless other places as well; Meteor Crater, The Petrified Forrest, White Sands National Park, El Morro, The Hoover Dam, along with all the natural beauty of the country in between all these places which can be just as striking and picturesque.

After leaving the man made, fake overindulgence of Las Vegas this was the perfect antidote that put all the lights and noise into even starker relief.

There are many, many beautiful natural wonders all over the world, all with their own unique charm and splendour but I can’t think of anywhere with so many different and varied locations with in such relatively close proximity to one another. When I look back on this trip in years to come I will remember all the lovely people I’ve met, the fun I’ve had and the adventures along the way, but I think what will stand out most in my mind are these few days and the wondrous places that I visited and the magnificent spectacles that I saw.

Go! Go now, and you will never regret it!

Until next time…

This week I’ve been listening to…

See-ya Las Vegas

I'm back folks. Stop you’re crying, cease you’re fretting and put and end to those feelings of anxiety that have kept you awake at night over my short term departure from this blog.

I have been on a road trip for the last week or so, across the desserts of Nevada, the aching beauty of Arizona, the wilderness of New Mexico and the plains of Texas (more of this later).

But my journey began in Las Vegas. Sin City. The Neon Capitol. The place where dreams come true and fantasies can be realized. But for price of course.

Now I’ve wanted to go to Vegas for a long time now, ever since I started watching poker on TV and I saw all those players winning money, talking about the great shows and the best restaurants, and generally showing the city off as one great adult playground where anyone can come and enjoy themselves.

The reality, however, as I have found out, is not as rose tinted as they would have you believe. I was expecting it to be loud and tacky. There are hotels built like medieval castles, Egyptian pyramids and the squares and canals of Venice! 70 years ago the place was just a barren dessert. The whole town was built on a foundation of greed and hedonism, so I knew beforehand it was not going to be the most sophisticated or tasteful of places.

Everyone of your senses is attacked as soon as your free from your room, bright flashing lights and huge neon signs punctuate the night, alarms and bells ring out of every machine to attract your attention and to make you stop and play, the sickly sweet smell of doughnuts or roasting hot dogs permeates the casinos in case you get hungry and don’t want to leave your seat, hoards of people mill around, wondering up and down the street or the rows of slot machines looking lost or maybe just overwhelmed by everything they are taking in. Outside the casinos, away from the relative sanctuary that these behemoths provide, you are accosted every 20ft by someone trying to thrust cards into your hand with nude women on advertising strip joints or escort services 24/7, and when it’s not that there is a homeless person or beggar asking for money or people in costumes (and I use that word in the most loosest of senses) dressed up as cartoon characters posing for photos. The only small reprieve from all this I found was the fountain displays outside the Bellagio. For a few minuets you can forget where you are and enjoy a truly beautiful combination of music and natural wonder. A calm oasis in this dessert of intemperance.

Now all of this would be fine, acceptable even, if everyone there was enjoying themselves. But no one there appears to be having any fun at all. Everyone is walking around with a haggard look on their face, as though beaten down by all the excess that surrounds them. If it wasn’t for the noise of the slots the casino floors would be almost silent as people just sit there quietly and watch their money disappear. No one talks to one another, the odd glance across a blackjack table when the dealer gets 21 again, or the mumble from players around a roulette wheel as they chant for their number to come in. Everybody there knows they are going to loose, they expect it, assume it, but it’s what you do here.

And when you’re done gambling you have a few drinks remember you’re in Vegas and decide you must be having a good time, that’s why you came here, that’s why everyone else came here, so it must be true.

I don’t however believe it was always thus. Back when Vegas got going and the Mob ran the casinos and the town I think people did legitimately have fun. The first casinos; Binions Horseshoe, The Flamingo, The Stardust, weren’t built to make money themselves, but to launder the dirty money from the Mob. So they were run for fun, to give people a good time, to show off, and to give a bit of magic and pizzazz into the average person’s life, so that, for just a brief moment, they knew what it felt like to be Somebody. But all that disappeared when the conglomerates took over. They are only concerned with the bottom line and with extracting as much money out of each 'customer' as possible, and in doing so they have squeezed out all the romance, the enjoyment, and the fun from the one place in the world you knew you could get it.

Vegas is now just a business; the wild young teenager of the past has grown up, is wearing a suit, and looks at numbers all day. They have you believe you’re enjoying yourself while they are simply after the contents of your wallet. So bring back the gangsters, they're probably no more crooked than the CEOs are and they know how to have fun!

Until next time…

This week I’ve been listening to…

These colours do run

You might remember a few weeks back I mentioned in one of these blogs that I went and watched an event here in Austin called the Electric Run; a 5km race for charity after dark where everyone is wearing lights and glow sticks, there’s music and then a big party at the end. It turns out there are similar events to this almost every weekend.

Yesterday was the Colour Run. And this time I was taking part.

These things take place out at the Austin rodeo and carnival grounds. So after waking up at some un godly time in the morning, and after queuing for an hour to get in, we were met by a sea of 15,000 people in white T-shirts. Everyone had received a pack before the race containing race No. etc and a white colour run T-shirt and a pack of paint powder. There was only one rule: You start clean, and end up dirty!!!

A strong influence on the event is the Hindu festival Holi which celebrates the end of winter and the start of spring. It also removes some of the social boundaries between age, class and sex, everyone gets together to celebrate and have fun. This is something that definitely carries over into the Colour Run. There were people running from the ages of 1 – 85, and what better way than to disguise someone’s wealth, culture or upbringing than by having everyone where the same cloths and be covered in paint?

Every kilometre there is a different colour station where volunteers cover race goers in more paint, and they certainly don’t hold back. After the orange station everyone looked like the guy from the 90s Tango advert (I thought about slapping Graham in the face and shouting ‘You know when you’ve been Tango’d’ but I didn’t think anyone would understand and I might end up being tackled by a police officer, so I resisted), and when was the last time you saw a bright blue 70 year old?

At the end, there is another party around a dance stage where everyone opens their paint packets and the ground, the air, everything, descends into a rainbow of colour, movement and fun.

The tag line for the event is ‘The Happiest 5k run in the World’ and I can’t imagine there is one that can beat it. The atmosphere was great, everyone was having a good time and the more colourful you were the happier you became.

So I was thinking, why doesn’t Exeter do something like this? You have the location out at Westpoint, a large student population that would get behind it, and a strong local running community that would support it as well. Plus, it’s great fun!!! So I’m going to look into this when I get back and see if we can’t make this happen for next year. So if you think this is a good idea, want to help or know of anyone that could help me get this off the ground then let me know.

I’ll see you all next year then with your t-shirts and paint in hand.

Until next time…

This week I have been listening to…

The chicken I will never forget

It has certainly been a busy week this week. I have been joined for the last 7 days, out here on my journey of discovery, by my two friends Anna and Mark, and we've been on a musical marathon across the country; from the centre of American live music in Austin to the home of country music Nashville, and onto Memphis and Graceland, all while taking in the delights of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Arkansas. Fading the white line has never been more appropriate!! (that's over 2000 miles).

Nashville has for a while been somewhere where I have desperately wanted to go and explore, ever since I discovered the greatest, most heartfelt and true music that there is; Country. Now I know that most of you will scoff and look down at me as visions of Dolly Parton, rhinestones and hillbillies in trucker caps flash across your mind, but that's like thinking all Americans are fat, stupid and shallow. Ok, bad example, (while driving across the southern states one woman had never heard of England and the other asked if we were from France!!), but I guaranty your prejudices of country music would change once you arrived in Nashville. The whole place is dedicated to it's musical charms with live music porting out of every bar and enough hats and boots to stock an army of cowboys.
But the jewel of the crown is the Grand Ole Opry.
This is a live weekly concert that has been broadcast on the radio without interruption for almost 60 years and has hosted the greatest names in the business and brings the country music community together like no other.

On Friday, the day of the show, sadly one of the true great legends passed away, George Jones, and the show that evening was both a fitting memorial and celebration of his life and work. Artists of all generations paid tribute including a surprise appearance by Brad Paisley at the end (that won't mean anything to you but it's a huge deal).
For Anna and Mark, both musicians, they found the evening inspiring and motivating more than anything they had experienced. Which made a change from the squabbling, bratish brother/sister act that they seemed to enjoy falling into whenever they got bored.

The other thing I will never forget about Nashville is Prince's Hot Chicken.
This is an institution. A tiny, grimy, old joint that dishes out fried chicken second to none.
This chicken is also hot enough to let you see through time!!! Now I'm a man that enjoys spicy food, I enjoy a vindaloo and a fiery chili with the best of them, but I have never experienced unadulterated pain like I did eating that chicken. I lost my voice after one bite. I went into shock and didn't know what to do. I desperately lunged for some fries to try and numb the pain and ease my torment, but whatever spices that had been mined from the depths of hell and seared onto the chicken (and now the insides of my mouth and throat), had also been liberally doused over these fried potatoes as well, resulting in an expression that I can only imagine looked like I had just swallowed a bee while watching The Queen doing an erotic dance.  Regrettably no photographic evidence of my reaction exists.

Going to Graceland was also a highlight. I'm not a big Elvis fan but I enjoy his music and respect what he managed to achieve in his life. He was The King. And he certainly lived like one. Graceland is an homage to bad 70s designer taste. With shag pile carpets, hideous color schemes and gold everywhere, it certainly hasn't dated very well. However it stands as a testament to a great performer, one the likes of which we will never see again.

Until next time...

This week I have been listening to...

If you don't like the road you're walking down, starting paving a new one

So people have been asking me why I chose the title ‘Fading the White Line’ for this blog of mine and what in heavens name dose it mean? Is my eye sight getting worse perhaps, or have I suddenly acquired a debilitating cocaine addiction and these musings are just the result of a chemically enduesed three month binge, where in fact I’m not in America but in the toilet of some grubby club somewhere off the Kensington High Road.

It is neither of these things, so don’t panic mum.

The term as I have seen it refers back to the 50s and 60s where aspiring poker players in Texas, such as Saylor Roberts, Amarillo Slim, and ‘Texas Dolly’ Doyle Brunson would drive themselves all across the state going from one game to another, winning their pay, beating the local players, and quickly getting out of town if the losers took exception to their ‘good fortune’. These guys would crisscross the highways of the south driving for days to get to a game they had heard about full of rich guys with very little skill. These long road trips across the vast, desolate tracks of Texas country with little in the way of entertainment other than going over your hands form the night before, and with next to no sleep would be referred to between them as Fading the White Line, regarding the line down the centre of the road.

Well having been driving around Texas myself now for the past few weeks I am confident that my choice of title was extremely fitting. It is quite something to sit behind the wheel and just pound the miles away, watching the scenery streak past, going from town to town, passing farms and ranches, huge malls and little village stores (that still seem to stock everything you might need from a quart of milk to a new Corvette), vast skyscrapers and simple country churches.

The road just stretches on in front of you, like a never ending wave, inviting you to see what is over the next ridge or around the next curve, with the promise of discovery and adventure ever hanging in the air. That and exhaust fumes and dust.

I paint a very idyllic picture I know, however it is not quite so.

The sign posting over here is idiotically poor, with very little, or no notice given of junctions or directions. How people got around before the invention of sat nav I just don’t know. There are probably still people that left their home during the Great Depression that are still looking for the correct turn off for the I35 heading West.

The other hazard is the quality of the road surfaces. There is certainly no chance of falling asleep behind the wheel with a plethora of cracks, potholes, changes in surface, studs, and all other manner of objects that makes sure the White Line doesn’t fade for too long.

Until next time…

This week I’ve been listening to…

In the wilderness, no one can hear you scream...

Sitting here watching the last day of the Masters Golf Tournament currently being played at Augusta, Georgia, gives me a good excuse to talk about the great outdoors, and how Americans treat their vast and pleasant land.

They all seem rightly proud of the fantastic scenery that is encompassed in this huge and diverse country. In Texas alone, which I give you isn’t small by any means, there is an ever changing countryside that moves past you as you traverse the state. You have the flat open planes of the Pan Handle in the north, the lush forested regions to the east, the dry, arid tundra of the south, and the rolling hillsides and valleys in the west. All distinct, all unique, but all quintessentially American.

This is surely one of the major reasons why people, like myself, come here to visit. We have all seen those fantastic images and film of the jagged, snow top peaks set against a searing blue sky, the sweeping, scorched desserts or the humid, sultry swamps of the bayou, and when you get here there is no way you can leave feeling disappointed.

Having spent this weekend camping in the hill country to the west of Austin, and watching the sun set over a beautiful lake, and waking up in the woods over looked by vine covered slopes, it felt great to get out of the cities and away from the hustle and bustle of all the people and experience what the country had to offer. For Graham it offered a burnt thumb on a piece of firewood and a racoon trying to steal our food and trying to scare it off with a large beef steak on a long stick! It also gave us an epic drive 90 mins out of Austin along some twisty, curving hillside road, and it turns out the country also has some very nice wines and plenty of vineyards that you can try them at. I have to admit I did not expect to be sat in between rows of grapes, in Texas, sampling home made wines, and looking up at a hill top castle copied from a 16^th century Bavarian stronghold (that you can rent out for your fairytale wedding or your hunting party).

And this is a big part of how the Yanks look at their country; ‘What can I take from this’. Whether it’s hunting, fishing, camping, off-roading or just escaping from the towns and cities, these beautiful wildernesses are now seen as playgrounds and theme parks (or the perfect places to set up your headquarters for your religious cult, and ‘bible camps’ to send your kids to).

And this is a great shame. There are some great small communities in these places that are slowly dying and being taken over by people from the cities buying property as weekend retreats. Being still a relatively young country that only a few generations ago was still being explored and colonised by pioneering families, a land of such huge expanse that space has never been at a premium, and an economy based on vast natural resources that bloomed settlements overnight where there had previously only been dust and sand, Americans have never seemed to have much of a problem picking up and moving on.

In England I think we pay much more attention to our green and pleasant land, mainly because there is so little left of it, where as here people seem a little bit more dismissive and blasé about their natural surroundings. Being treated to such scenic pleasures for your entire life I guess it would be hard not to I suppose.  

Until next time...


This week I've been listening to...

Simon Cowell should be locked up on Bourbon St.

Britain has been at the cutting edge of music since the 60s. This is a fact. A bold statement you might think, but and accurate one as I will now prove to you.
Musicians that have come from this Scepted Isle have been at the forefront of almost every new musical genre you can think of. Pop, Rock, Punk, Electro, Dance... Think of some the groundbreaking bands and artists that have truly shaped the world of music and have pushed boundaries or opened up styles to a global audience; The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd etc.

The proof of this is that since I've been over here, traveling across various cities and States, I have heard far more British bands on the radio, I've heard far more bands cover British songs, and I've heard far more enthusiasm from fans about British bands and music.

Some examples I hear you cry. Well, almost every 'store' I've been in over hear seems to have a fascination in playing 90s British Pop, from Blur to Jamiroquai to All Saints, it's like being back at home listening to Heart FM (only without the moronic DJs and the thoughts of suicide you get after listening for more than five minuets). And if it's not Brit Pop blasting out of the speakers the only other thing it will be over here is Mumford & Sons. They are obsessed with them. It must be that whimsical, folksy charm and the accents.

However since the dawning of this new millennium a dark cloud has past over British music snuffing out almost all creativity and uniqueness within... Simon Cowell. But even under this tyrannical ruler who discharges bland one hit wonder acts with ruthless German efficiency, the Americans are still entranced by what we have. Whilst I was in San Antonio one evening, having a quiet meal in the beautiful, Mediterranean like surroundings of the riverside, my thoughts were tastelessly interrupted by a hoard of screaming banshee like teenage girls all desperate to see the latest pop act to be excreted from our shores; Little Mix.

Having spent the last week though in New Orleans it has restored my faith in music. This is a city that truly doesn't sleep, and if you do, you are lulled off to the sounds of some of the greatest jazz, blues, funk and soul that has ever been set forth. There is a real pulse in this city. Music is ingrained into every stone wall, wooden shutter and iron balconey. Here is where you come to forget, let go and not think about tomorrow. The original Sin City. Temptations of everykind wherever you go. A heady mix of cocktails, gambling, women and dance all to the incessant beat of drums, guitar and brass, and the wail of truely soulfull voices. This is a city that is literally over flowing with talented musicians that create some truly amazing sounds and an atmosphere that is as infectious as it is pleasurable. When you come here, and I urge all of you to do so, you will be ushered into a world where creativity reigns supreme, uniqueness and diversity are encouraged, and the more love and fun that you have, the more your audience will appreciate it.

So Britannia may have ruled the music waves for the last half century, but our ship is taking on water and we need to dock somewhere like the Big Easy to find our way again.

Until next time...

This week I have been mostly listening to...

American Culture is more complex than you think

Orale Holmes!!

Having returned from San Antonio a couple of days ago I still feel full of Hispanic and Mexican culture. It's a great city, and I urge anyone to go there, with it's strong latin influence coupled with a city centre that looks like it has based itself on a French or Italian boulevard by the river, complete with little river taxis, overhanging trees and gratuitously overpriced cafes.

It is a strange combination I grant you when you are strolling along the river walk at dusk imagining you are somewhere on the Mediterranean with its quiet and dignified ambiance, when suddenly a mariachi band strikes up complete with huge sombreros and maracas. Not what you expect.
But then that is what I have found while I have been here for this relatively short amount of time. We all think we know so much about America and its people and culture. We are bombarded with images and reports as to 'what the US is like'; gun toting red-necks, spoilt and pampered rich bitches, or desperately poor, drug infested inner city communities. With so many films, tv shows, and news broadcasts coming from this country we are lead to believe that of any country America is the one we have the greatest idea about.

But we don't.

The society here is as complex and diverse as you will find anywhere in the world. The idea prevails that the US has a very simple culture based around the white middle american, when in fact in 30 years time they will make up less than 50% of the population. In it's short life as a country the USA has seen migration from all over the world, Mexico, South America, Thailand, Japan, Germany, Eastern Europe, India... the list goes on. All have very strong, local communities that keep their own traditions and cultures alive, as well as sharing these things with the rest of population creating a rich tapestry that is not to dis-similar to what you would find in London, Birmingham or many other places in the UK.

So all though you don't hear about it, it is totally normal to find and sushi restaurant that brews it's own czech style beer, or a mexican supermarket that sells halal produce. And of course on St Patricks day, no matter where you've come from or what your background is, everyone here has a little bit of Irish in them.

Until next time...


This week I've been listening to...

Shooting. The only sport endorsed by the Founding Fathers

So last time out I talked about America’s biggest obsession; food.
This week I'm going to discuss Americas other fanatical fixation; guns.

Now obviously I was well aware of what the attitudes of the majority of people were on this subject over here, especially down here in Texas, where it is considered not just a right to be able to own and fire a gun, but a responsibility.

There are 9 guns for every 10 people in this country, and I suspect that number is higher down here. Even in Austin, which is a pretty liberal thinking island in the Texas sea of right wing, red neck, republicanism, is still pretty much in love with firearms.

When I was up in Dallas I met a guy who inside his waistcoat had holstered two pistols (one in each side) and a spare clip for each!! We were only going out to Western dance lesson, what did he expect to happen?!? Maybe while we were going through the canyon we might have been set upon by a band of wild Indians, or the bar could have been seized by terrorists with dodgy German accents, and we would have had to crawl through the air ducts and take them out one by one while making light hearted wise cracks.

 

This gun fixation definitely had me feeling uneasy. I have never liked the idea that deadly weapons and ammunition could be purchased with such ease and with such indifference as to the reason they why were being bought in the first place. I knew the chances of actually looking down the business end of one were pretty slim, but knowing there were so many around made me think twice before I cut in line at the bar.

Yesterday however, thanks to Graham’s girlfriend Laura, we had the opportunity to go to a gun range outside of town and try some ‘ballistic therapy’.

So after paying our membership (yes, I am now a card carrying member of a gun range) and watching a 5 minuet safety video, they gave us our pistols; one revolver, one semi auto, some ammo and our targets and left us to it. Before we go any further I would like to point out that the people that worked there and the other members were Exactly how you are imagining them.

So we took turns to drill, pop, plug, open up, smoke, pump and bust a cap, from 10yds and two thoughts came to mind.

One; how easy it was. Now I know we were only using small caliber pieces, but after years of playing computer games, this was no different at all. This is a very scary thought.

Two; how empowering and fun it was. There were very strict rules as to what you could and could not do on the range, but the power that you feel when you hold and fire a gun is truly amazing. Another very scary thought.

So I write this to you, all Rambo’d up, armed to the teeth, camouflage paint on, about to head into the woods until my old commanding officer can talk me down :)

Until next time…

This week I’ve been mostly listening to…

Burger Nirvana

I'm pretty sure I've just had the best burger that I've ever eaten.
Hopdoddy Burger Bar. Go there. You will never find a meat patty that is so juicy and full of flavour I guaranty. I could of done some naughty things to that burger, things that would of had my face on the side of milk cartons and listed somewhere on the Internet, and this is Texas where meat isn't just part of your diet, it IS your diet. Someone said to me a friend of theirs was visiting here and she was a vegan. She can't have eaten anything here since she landed.
You can order an 18oz steak with a side of BBQ ribs and another of chili. That's just three meats cooked in different ways!!! Why isn't everyone here suffering from scurvy?

This part of the world is just a mecca for carnivores, with BBQ restaurants like churches, burger bars as Temples, and steak houses as Synagogues, on every corner. The sheer number of restaurants and eating establishments here is biblical. How they all survive I'm not quite sure, everyone must be so busy working in all these places that there can hardly be anyone to frequent them surely?!?
But there they all are, queueing up outside all these places, getting ready to gorge themselves, whether it's Tex-Mex, Sushi, BBQ, Far Eastern, Italian, South American, Steak, Burgers, Tacos, Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch or Dinner, everyone treats their meals with a religious fervour.
Other than politics and religion, both subjects I would not advise anyone to strike up a casual conversation with anybody here (unless they enjoy an hours worth of argument and harassment), the third most popular and strongly debated topic in this part of the world is where the best place to eat is. It is a debate that rages across offices and bars up and down the state. Even when people are in a restaurant they are there saying how;
'This place ain't as good as Uncle Jo's over on 23rd and Vincent'
'What you talking about? Jo's closed over three years ago'
'Yea, but their Philly Steaks were the best in town'
'But we're talking about the best you can get Now. Jo's don't count. You go to go over the county line to beat this here.
'What about Hobarts on Calhoon?'...
And so it goes on.

Everything, they say, is bigger in Texas. Portion sizes definitely stick to that principle and with that, so do a lot of peoples waistbands. However the Americans are fully aware of this. They are not so stupid as to realise they are eating too much, however their treatment for this is not just to reduce what they eat but to just go out and train like crazy. People run everyday, go to the gym, play sport and work out just so they can have that gargantuan pile of deep fried chicken wings covered in cheese.
I'm just hoping I don't suffer a heart attack after having my three hundredth Hopdoddy burger! Guess I should go for a run.

Until next time...


This week I have been mostly listening to...

Irish Cowboys and Conspiracy Theories

Good morning from Dallas and Happy St. Patrick's Day (to be sure, to be sure)!!!
Well just outside Dallas to be exact, in a town called Irving, at the backpackers lodge here. Nice place, but a bit of a weird set up, it feels like a dozen people have just invaded someones house, and having been doing so for the last few years. Met some nice people though.

So I've been into Dallas and walked around, looked at all the angels, spoken to the locals, and I think I have solved who shot JFK...

It was Marilyn Monroe!!! They had each fallen desperately in love with each other and knew that the American public would never allow them to have a relationship, so they faked her death the year before and then she hired Lee Harvey Oswald as a fall guy and set him up to fire blanks from the book depository. They ran off to Cuba together and lived the rest of their lives running a hotel in Havana.
It was great to listen to the conspiracy theorists around the Dealey Plaza, I think between them they thought there were about eight shooters comprising of the CIA, Castro, the Mafia, Communists, and one of them implicated Frank Sinatra?!?

 The other strange experience I was not expecting to see were Irish Cowboys. I spent yesterday at the Stockyards in Fort Worth, a through back to the old west where they drive cattle through the streets, you can sit in saloons sipping whiskey, and buy any kind of western clothing you can think of. However it being St Paddy's Day they dressed everything up in green and had shamrocks everywhere, including all the horses and the cowboys/girls to. It is an interesting sight to see a cowboy, herding a load of cattle, in a green 'Kiss me i'm Irish' hat, and a horse with four leaf clovers stuck all over it!!
I did meet a really nice guy having lunch, I was sat at the bar and he took the stool next to me, and was obviously a regular. He was an American version of John, one of our customers at Chandos, and spent the entire time making fun of the staff and my 'funny' accent, telling stories of his past and who he'd met, most of which I think were exaggerated, although I do believe the story he said about swimming with former President George Bush in his swimming pool.

*One annoying thing I have discovered also in America is that they don't perforate their loo roll. It's basic common sense is it not to create neat, easy to tear sections on toilet paper. Maybe I can introduce it and make millions???*

That's all from me folks, until next time...


This week I have been listening to...

Keep Ausin Weird

Having been here in Austin for a week or more now I feel I have seen and experienced enough of the city to be able to tell you people what I think about this city.

Basically it's Bristol with better weather, more cowboy hats, and no Banksy. It is a thriving hub of all things creative. If you are a musician then you will find thousands of venues, bands and singers that you can go to, watch and maybe even work with:
http://www.6street.com/6s_pg_live.htm
http://www.austinlivemusic.com/
If you like art there are some of the best galleries in the United States:
http://www.yarddog.com/
http://amoa-arthouse.org/
As well as some amazing cafes and bars that are full of cool and crazy people that have all been drawn here because of Austins inventive and imaginative atmosphere.
I was sat in a coffee shop the other day, not drinking coffee I hasten to add, writing my post cards and I looked around at the walls covered in murals and flyer's for theatre groups and local bands, the slightly off the wall clientele with their 'individual' style of clothes and facial hair, and I could have been sat in a coffee shop in Stokes Croft.

There is also a week long festival on here at the moment that has attracted hundreds of bands and comedians and artists so the place is even more packed than usual.

I have managed to see a few bands and events all of which were great, the one outstanding show though was a couple of local comedians called Master Pancake; http://drafthouse.com/series/master_pancake/austin Where you sit down and watch an awful film they have picked, in our case the Bruce Willis special effects extravaganza Armageddon, while they completely mocking it and generally making fun of every plot hole and bad piece of dialogue. Truly hilarious.

I also finally have my cowboy boots that I've been wanting for years. They are Great!!!!!!
Good thing to because I'm off to Dallas and Fort Worth today for the next week and I want to fit in :)
I also have a very funny experience with a cab driver that I don't have space for here but I promise I will try and find the time soon.

Next stop Dallas, so until next time...





This week I have been mostly listening to...

1 midget story; adventureous

Have you ever had a midget grinding up against your leg? Well I can now say that I have. As usual with situations like this it was all Grahams fault. It was a Friday night and here in Austin that means the place to go is 6th Street. If your a fan of live music, food, and booze (and if you're in this town and you're not, then 'keep on walking boy') then this is the street. Country, blues, rock, BBQ, Mexican, Italian... you'll find it on 'Dirty' 6th. So after a superb meal and some margaritas at the Iron Cactus we stopped in at a few other places and ended up at a roof top bar overlooking the street below. Surprisingly the DJ had obviously decided that the perfect music for the almost exclusively white, middle class audience was some dirty hip hop/RnB!! And more surprisingly he was right!! We Caucasians seem to like nothing better than to pretend we have style and rhythm and dance around to black music. Unfortunately almost none of us can pull this off with the necessary deftness or panache. All of which means that the dance floor was packed with highly lubricated individuals showing off their 'considerable' disco moves. Women however do have a little bit of freedom. Most have the luxury that all they need to do is sway and gyrate in a sexy manor and all is well.

Such was the observation that I was explaining to my partner in crime. And so to prove my point Graham took it upon himself to do his best Beyonce impression and shake his money maker for all it was worth. Now such a display in the animal kingdom would surely attract any number of female admirers that were within sight, and this was no different. Before either of us could even react we had a couple of ladies grinding away right back in response to this jaw dropping show. The only thing being one was of a pint sized proportion, and the other, how can we say, was not.
This was a little and large double act that was not on TV back in the 80s!
It is fair to say neither of us were prepared for such an occurrence and we each fell back instantly into the polite British gentlemen mode and smiled, laughed, and backed away slowly and apologetically.

After retreating to a safe distance and taking a moment to consider what had just befallen us. I came to the only obvious conclusion that Grahams posterior, when shaken in a provocative manner is like a homing beacon to any modestly sized women who are drawn like a moth to a flame, and are unable to do anything about it.

So as of now any gyration on Grahams part are strictly prohibited and are only to be attempted under laboratory conditions under the supervision of trained experts.

On another note entirely. If you are a fan of comics, animation, or art in general, check out this guys web-site: http://www.artofakira.com/ I happened to catch a lecture from him at the South by South West Digital Expo and it was mind blowing. The detail and passion that went into the making of one the most influential and ground breaking films of all time is truly inspiring.

So until next time...

Today i have been mostly listening to;

To open the batting...

Here I am folks. I made it out in one piece and the jet lag is finally disappearing, only to be replaced with epic quantities of food, beer and Texas frivolity.
Its been a long time since I've flown any great distance and all I remember of it is the mind numbing boredom, because the one film they are showing is on a tiny screen half the length of the plane away, the horrible food, no leg room and the guarantee of a screaming baby crying all the way through the flight. So I was pleasantly surprised at the screen in the back of the seat in front had 200 films, TV shows and games to choose from which meant I didn't need to resort to either the puzzle book I had bought at the airport or the sleeping pills (to be used on either myself or any restless infants). The lack of leg room however is still something I see modern airlines have kept with to keep that old fashioned, authentic, feel to flying  :-)
So i arrived in Austin and Graham, who some of you may know, others will over the course of this blog, is kindly putting me up while I'm here in his brand new flat (I'll take some pictures of it once its cleaned up, so that should be in about three months!!) Kim, his sister in law, is also staying for a couple of weeks while she works at the South by South West music festival. I've also met his very nice girlfriend Laura (it must be his accent) and some of his work friends over a beer which seems like daily end of day ritual for most folks out here.
I'm currently writing this entry in the Texas State History Museum, which what it lacks in its stories of times long long ago more than makes up for with its razz a mataz and over blown enthusiasm for what it does have.
I have also been, this morning, to the LBJ Presidential Library and stood in a replica of the Oval Office as it was back in the 60s. Except it was 1/8th smaller than the original?!? Maybe its so that if people are casing the place out in peroration to break into the real Oval Office their scheme will be slightly off and they'll end up running into a wall which is 1/8th closer than they were expecting. Ingenious!  :-)

Until next time...

This week I have been mostly listening to...

5 Days and Counting...

Here we go folks, only five more days to go and then I'm off into the sunset. Three months I'm going to be away, across the pond, starting in the wilds of Texas, and then Loisiana, Mississippi (I had to check the spelling on that), Tennessee, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada and maybe California, if there's a tail wind and I still have any money left by then!

So what is the purpose of this blog then. Well, I hope for any of you that are interested it will provide a motivating, stimulating and if needs be entertaining snap shot of my goings on while I'm blazing a trail across the southern states of the USA.

There are so many things I'm looking forward to seeing and doing while I'm out there. This is somewhere I've been wanting to go to for a very long time, and I'm very lucky to have this opportunity and be able to achieve this dream, to travel to far flung destinations and experience something that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I hope that some of you that will read this will find the courage, the drive and the self belief to go out there yourselves and do the things that you've always wanted to do, go to the places you've always wanted to go, and find the things that will make you happy.

So lets saddle up those horses, get the cards in the air, and get this show on the road shall we...